The Bitch, Bitch, Bitch


Masculine Coffee
May 6, 2010, 5:11 pm
Filed under: General Bitching

I’ve heard this joke too many fucking times to continue to suffer in silence.

It’s simple, and generally goes along these lines: “Hurr hurr, aren’t skinny half-calf mocha caramel lattes just SOOOOoOOoOOO unmanly? And isn’t that fact (that somehow, food, an asexual, non-living entity, can have a gender) so goddamn deplorable?”

It’s one symptom of the whole “reclamation of manliness” thing that’s becoming so popular lately.  Except that instead of plastered on billboards and in magazines and on TV, I’m hearing people make this joke. In real life.

Can we do a reality check, here? Can I apply this logic to other situations?

What’s this music you people listen to? That’s gay as hell. What have you got there, like, a bassline? Guitar riffs, a vocal track and drums? Shit, man, back in the day all we had were drums and fists.

The manliest. Incidentally, Drums and Fists is the name of my metal band.

 Are you seriously drinking soda? What is this faggoty Sierra Mist bullshit? First of all, what a sissy name. Second of all, high fructose corn syrup? Corn syrup, seriously? The only place I’ve ever seen that is in the kitchen, which I’m more than positive is a place for women. By extension, you must be a woman, and for that you should probably kill yourself.

To be fair, "Sierra Mist" is a bit froufy. If I created a soda, I'd call it "cock-punch."

What irritates me most about it is that it’s just an extension of anti-intellectualism: Complex = bad, and in this case, complex =  feminine = bad, so it’s misogyny AND anti-intellectualism, which just tickles my fucking fancy.

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